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Psychotic Reactions
-- John Shea
22 August, 2003
We've moved solidly now into the summer dumping ground. Late August is time to throw out anything with a less than adult sensibility that would probably get slaughtered at virtually any other time of the year. There are still audiences to be found but they aren't what you'd call discerning. They want that last thrill of summer before heading back to school or covering the pool for the year. That's my long winded way of blowing off the last few weekends of the summer season so that I can look back at the whole thing and pick the winners and losers. What follows is purely my own opinion. It is not based in any way on box office totals. If you want to talk money, go look it up for yourself. I'm here to talk entertainment.
First off the losers. These are the summers movies that had me most desperately wishing for my own personal way back machine to reclaim a couple hours of my life. Bear in mind that I deliberately skipped Legally Blonde 2, Charlie's Angels 2 and 2Fast 2Furious. I'm not saying they were bad but I'm saying they looked bad enough that I wouldn't part with my own hard earned money to see them. We'll call them an unofficial tie for fifth place on this list.
4) The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen How bad is this movie? I had to go back and look at a list of movies I've seen recently before I could even remember having seen it. I now recall that it's an ugly mess lacking in logic, quality special effects or even a point. Give me ten minutes and I'll likely forget about it all over again.
3) Gigli I've been amongst the kindest of critics to the Bennifer disaster but let's face it, it's a bad movie. It's not the worst movie ever as some short sighted drips have proclaimed. It's not even the worst movie of the summer. It is bad though. Avoid at all costs.
2) Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life Even the name is bad. It's a jumbled mess that looks like it was assembled by marketing after several focus groups gave conflicting views of the movie. Pretty much the same can be said of the movie. Pity Angelina Jolie for getting herself mixed up with this series in the first place.
1) Bad Boys II Michael Bay hits a personal low in this movie that is totally lacking in any redeeming qualities. When I call a movie in poor taste, it's time to pack it in as a filmmaker. John Waters may have to fear for his title as the king of bad taste. A few more movies like this could have Bay in the running.
Now on to the winners. These are the movies I expect to eventually find their way into my DVD collection. They all have their flaws but they entertained me and/or made me think.
5) The Italian Job This is solid entertainment. It has great action, nice chemistry amongst the actors and a script clever enough to keep things jumping. The movie made me want to own a Mini Cooper. What else do I need to say?
4) Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines I'm going to skip the obvious Schwarzenegger political jokes. I'm not above making them, I just think it's too damn easy. Jonathon Mostow does a fabulous job of crafting a film that is a worthy successor to James Cameron's series. If nothing else it has a surprisingly ballsy ending for a summer film.
3) Finding Nemo Pixar has some sort of a magical touch that keeps them from turning out a bad or even mediocre film. Nemo continues their astonishing run of quality. Their animation has become so sophisticated that I virtually never considered how the film was made, simply accepting what I saw. I can think of no greater praise for animators.
2) Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl Johnny Depp makes this movie what it is. His great comic performance as Captain Jack Sparrow will soon be the stuff of legends. The movie is solid but he elevates into something far far better. I'm going to start cracking skulls if he doesn't at least get an Oscar nomination.
1) The Matrix Reloaded That's right. The guy who kept saying The Matrix was overrated comes out in strong defense of it's sequel when all the original fans are turned off by said sequel. This is the thinking man's summer movie. It delivers action and special effects on a grand scale but also leaves behind puzzles and quandaries to keep viewers guessing until the third sequel shows up late this year.
There you have my take on the summer. If you don't like it, send in your own. Just be prepared for me to get violent if you call Reloaded boring.
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