TNMC: Hi, Adam.
ADAM CAROLLA: Hello.
TNMC: You sort of look like shit, if you don't mind me saying.
AC: Why would I mind that?
TNMC: I'm just saying. You look like you could use some sleep.
AC: Ahh, I guess. Couldn't everyone?
TNMC: Tell me about it. So what have you been up to lately?
AC: Ahh, well I got my show on Comedy Central...
TNMC: The thing with Jimmy Kimmel and the girls on trampolines? Whoa, maybe no one told you, but they cancelled that a while ago. They even got two schmoes for a while who were even more talentless than you guys.
AC: No, I have my own show now. See, people call in and ask stupid questions and I make some witty remark. Then there's a guest of some sort. Well, sometimes. We’re not always booked.
TNMC: Making fun of others while they hardly realize they're being made fun of. Is that any way to go through life, Adam?
AC: Ahh, I suppose, yeah.
TNMC: All right, so this show of yours – it hinges on your wit. Is that right?
AC: Ahh, yeah.
TNMC: Hmm. What else you got going on? Working nights at Dairy Queen? Pulling rebar in an eighteen wheeler? I mean, it's nice to have a hobby, but you've got to pay the bills, right?
AC: I do pretty well with that, but actually I do have this new show on TLC where me and my family fix up a house.
TNMC: A remodeling show on TLC? How refreshing.
AC: Well, it's a lot funnier than their usual fare.
TNMC: And who's supplying this humor? Did you get Ty Pennington? That guy's hilarious.
AC: Ahh, no. That'd be me again.
TNMC: So let me get this straight. Your main source of income right now is two cable shows that rely on your wit. Is that correct?
AC: There’s some other stuff, but that's pretty much it, monkey boy.
TNMC: Don't. The time for clever insults has passed and your attempt, as usual, is pathetic. Besides, I can help.
AC: Is that so?
TNMC: I know about this clinic in Culver City. They specialize in failed comedian rehabilitations.
AC: What?
TNMC: Elaine Boosler is the director there, and I've heard that the seminars with Richard Jeni and Bobcat Goldthwait are tremendous.
AC: Listen, you thumbless freak. I don't need professional help. I—
TNMC: Can stop anytime you want?
AC: Yeah. Wait, no!
TNMC: They probably offer package deals. You and your buddy Kimmell should do it together, split the costs.
AC: All right, enough. Get out of here. Your big ears are blocking the strippers.
TNMC: Okay. Just tell me you'll give them a call. They can help.
TNMC: I’m doing fine on my own.
AC: Acceptance is the first step to recovery.
AC: Maybe, all right?
TNMC: Atta boy. Now I've got a lap that needs dancing. See ya.
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